A Marietta Gal's View: Good Things About Being Old

Here are some of the GOOD things about getting old!

You can just refuse to do what you don’t want to do. My kids will tell you I have a Ph.D. in that !

The first human words I hear each morning are “Mom, your coffee is ready”. After all those years of being the first one up, cooking a complete breakfast for my husband and whatever help my kids needed, to have someone actually make my coffee is a dream come true! The older I get, the stronger I want my coffee! I only drink Starbucks “most robust” because I want my coffee to come to the bed and help me to the kitchen!

After my Dad retired from Lockheed, my mother announced that she never intended to put her feet on the floor in the mornings until she smelled coffee perking and bacon broiling. She stuck to that, and Daddy thought it was great! He became a good cook. When I visited, I most often got up with Dad and he was so proud of himself, showing me how he managed everything. He was a real engineer at heart and he had every action timed exactly. I am so grateful that Mother had at least a little while to be pampered because she deserved every bit of it!

Almost no heavy lifting. I suppose some of the guys would disagree with that but they’d most likely be bragging!

Women can wear bright red lipstick if they wish ------- or none at all. I love my red lipstick! And if you want to wear your hair in one of those huge beehives –or whatever- it is no one’s business!

You can tell people exactly what you think of them --- and get away with it usually! I don’t – but I know some who do. I have been tempted to have a card printed explaining the difference between “your” and “you’re”. EXAMPLE: You’re [you are] such a sweet person that I don’t know where you found your [possessive] husband!

Men can wear long, dark, dress socks with tennis shoes or sandals and plaid shirts with striped, baggy shorts. Frankly, that says to me, no wife at home to correct him. But someone close to me always says,”There goes a man from a state far north of here.” [ I’m trying to keep this kind of clean.]

School is out! You never have to take another course to improve your mind. It’s about half numb, anyway! In fact, you should NOT take any courses. The closest I’ve come to whompin’ up on an old man was one I encountered in a computer class at the college. After the third class, he was still holding up the mouse, whining - “Now what is the rat for?” Now, we all know that his wife was forcing him to take the course because she wanted him OUT of the house!

Only exercise if it suits you. I know several old people who go on and on about their exercise programs – makes me want to throw up! I guess they want to look marvelous in their caskets!

You can make up your own statistics. I started this some years ago, trying to be funny. But then I realized folks were actually listening. Example: It has been proven that 87% of all headaches are caused by too tight underwear.

Speaking of underwear, old people can wear – or not wear-- whatever pleases them. Some women feel more secure in “foundation garments” - all laced up liked trussed chickens – I am not one of them. I jiggle. I don’t care.

Grandchildren are gifts from God. If you don’t have any, find some, borrow some. I know a very nice man who reads to children in a first grade class every Friday. It is good for the children, the teacher, but most fun for him. He does all the voices and the kids adore him.

A dear friend of mine, in another state, spent part of two days a week, in the school building, helping kids with math. He felt that this made his retirement more meaningful. Good for him!

For the most part, we know lots more than young people. But the only way to make them listen is to charge them for it. So announce that for 25 bucks an hour, you’ll teach them how to do whatever you do best. Yes, you can even be a CONSULTANT. I have a friend who is a fine Bible scholar. She teaches small classes for the people in her retirement community. In a situation like that, it might be better to barter. She is a terrible cook, so a batch of homemade cookies might be a good trade. I know of another person who taught small knitting classes. Another friend told me her new hobby is keeping up with all her meds :0).

Now that we are old, we can follow our interests and best of all, investigate new ones. We do have time if we want it. If you are reading this, you have a computer so you already know how much fun it is to think of a topic, then pursue it on the internet. I’m thinking of becoming a private investigator. I considered becoming a Senior Sex Therapist but decided business might be too slow.

We can have all the pets we want because studies have shown they are so good for us. Statistics show that 97% of old people are healthier and happier when there is a living breathing, affectionate pet in the house. I really think dogs are best.

Most of us have plenty of ol’ fashioned common sense. The problem comes in knowing when to use it. I’m thinking mainly here of medical advice. The last time I checked, nutrition was not a course in medical school. Thinking back over all the foods we were warned against, I am appalled. Sometimes MD’s give advice about nutrition when they don’t know what in the SamHill they are talking about. Even when their advice is valid, they don’t always take the “whole person” into consideration, especially old people. This could be a book but I’ll just mention one: EGGS! About forty years ago, my mother was told she should have no more than three eggs per week. She very carefully did as she was told and felt terribly guilty if she weakened and ate an extra egg! Now, there was NO medical reason for this other than to prevent high cholesterol. Eggs are one of nature’s best foods! They are fairly cheap, easy to prepare, and nutritious. They do not cause high cholesterol.